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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

SOME CLEAN HUMOR



Alas, where  has all our innocence  gone?
While I sat in the reception  area
of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the  room.  As she went 
to the  receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone
and silent. Just as I was thinking I  should make
small talk with him, a little  boy slipped off
his mother's lap and  walked over to
the wheelchair.  Placing his hand on the 
man's, he said, I know how you feel.  My
mom makes  me ride in the stroller  too..

*****

As I was  nursing
my baby, my cousin's  six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the  room. 
Never having seen anyone breast  feed before, she was intrigued and full of  all kinds of questions about what I was doing.
After mulling over my answers, she  remarked,
'My mom has some of those, but I  don't think she knows how to use them..' 

*****
Out  bicycling
one day with my  eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little
wistful. 'In ten years,' I said,  'you'll want
to  be with your friends  and you won't go
walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now.  Carolyn shrugged.  'In ten years you'll  be too old to do all those things anyway.'
******Working as a  pediatric
nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children..  One day, I entered the  examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her  needle. 'No, no, no!' she  screamed.  'Lizzie,' scolded her mother,  'that's
not polite behavior.'  With that,  the girl yelled even  louder, 'No, thank  you!  No, thank  you!

******
On the way back from a  Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently  said to my son, 'Dad, I know babies come from  mommies' tummies, but
how do they get there in the first place?'  After my
son hemmed  and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, 'You don't have to  make up something, Dad.  It's okay if  you don't
know the  answer.'
*****Just  before I was deployed to  Iraq ,

I sat  my eight-year-old son down and
broke the  news to him.  'I'm going to be away
for a long time,' I told him.  'I'm  going to Iraq ..' 
'Why?'  he asked. 'Don't you know there's a war  going on over  there?'
*****
Paul  Newman
founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp  for 
children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood
diseases. One afternoon, he and his wife,
Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids.  A counselor at a  nearby table, suspecting the young  patients wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star, explained, That's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture  on his salad dressing bottle?'  Blank stares.
'Well, you've probably seen his face on
his lemonade carton.'  An eight-year-old girl
perked  up.  'How long was he missing?'

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